Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, but I think I'll miss this one this year

The other night at dinner The Joey asked me "Mommy, why are you a Grinch?" This, because I said what I wanted to watch during dinnertime is "How The Grinch Stole Christmas", but only if we could stop it before Grinchy saved Christmas. It's just a much better ending! So when The Joey asked me why I'm a Grinch I looked over at The Husband and he was looking at me like "I knew someday this was going to catch up to you and you'd have to explain your dislike of the holidays to our children". The best way I knew how to talk to Joey is to tell him how much I love making Christmas special for him, making him cookies and making cookies with him, wrapping presents for him and seeing him open them, making pretty things for the people we love, going to church and saying Happy Birthday to Jesus, spending time with our family and friends, etc. And I made sure to tell him that what I didn't like was all the commercials and stuff the stores try and make you buy, how busy the roads are because people think they need to go out and buy a bunch of stuff, etc.

I don't know if he got it, but he was quiet after that.

It's 2 and a half weeks before The Elliot is supposed to get here! And I have a reason to want to keep him in my belly until the 11th. The Older Sister got engaged last month(whoo-hoo!) and since the entire clan will be in one place for Elliot's birth she and I schemed up a little surprise for our mom. We have an appointment to go look at wedding dresses the day before I'm scheduled to go into the hospital. So if you know Mom and tell her before she gets here I may just have to hunt you down. She's all "this trip is all about A. and The Elliot" and usually I LOVE things to be all about me but after giving birth all I feel is gross and I just want to be alone with The Husband and the new being I spent most of a year making, not handing it over to everyone under the sun. Like my friend once said, "I made it - I get to play with it first!" But I'm so grateful that everyone is coming so I'm going to do what I can to keep myself in check. I think you must have had to have been at The Joey's birth to understand....

A long long time ago (or four and a half years) I was at the hospital bright and early to give birth to The Joey. The Husband, my bestie, my mom, his parents and brother and grandfather were there, but waiting in the waiting room (except The Husband, of course). After The Joey was freed I spent time in Recovery and then was wheeled back to my room. Thank goodness for drugs, because for the next two days there was a steady stream of visitors that I really would have preferred ask us if they could come visit. They didn't come all at once - they staggered their visits so that I had no chance to shower, put makeup on, fix my hair or rest for those two days. I don't in any way doubt the sincerity, generosity (they all brought gifts!) and excitement of their intentions but it is more polite to wait until the new parents go home. I wound up pushing myself really hard to be able to go home and get some peace and quiet.

So we were really happy to be having The Elliot far far away in the land of Fort Worth, where hopefully we could control who would and would not be allowed. My bestie, my parents and brother and sisters, The Husband and The Joey (of course!), and his parents are allowed. Everyone else will just have to wait. And The Husband has promised that he will herd people out when I need to rest or just need to be alone for a few minutes. Thank you Superman!

Speaking of Superman, I totally had a breakdown last night. It suddenly hit me that nothing is ready for The Elliot to get home - we haven't even bought the carseat yet! Our registries at Target and Babies 'R Us are still full of stuff we've yet to get. I kept telling myself that we just needed to finish up Christmas before we could finish buying stuff for the nursery but I only did the math last night that proved how close the dates of Christmas and The Elliot's birthday really are. So while I came unglued The Husband quickly became Superman and we've made some semblance of a plan to finish the nursery in time, carseat and all.

Have no fear Little Elliot, we'll be ready for you yet. Mom promise.

Hello I've waited here for you everlong

Hello...?

Is anyone still out there?

[crickets]

While I never promised to be a great (or even consistent) blogger, months without a post is probably too long. So I'm sorry. I was busy growing a person.

I'm still not done growing a person... and I'm so over it. I think we're down to about 9 weeks, maybe less. I've lost count. Whoever decided that nine months would be a good amount of time for babies to grow needs to reassess the situation. It sucks. And I'm tired. And my back hurts after doing something menial like cleaning the stovetop and then I can't do anything for the rest of the day. I'm fed up with being useless and in pain. I want to be able to pick up The Joey or take him outside to play or get on the floor and color... something. Anything.

Venting - done.

So I have a ton of things coming up, and most are requiring my craft skills to be in top form. I'm still working on the picture frames for the nursery (pictures will follow when the room is complete, probably January 2010), and then next on my list is a tablecloth for the table The Husband made for the living room. Yes, made. Handy husband + crafty wife = more money in the bank! So then after the tablecloth is done, I'm going to have to put everything aside and start working on holiday madness. I think I've got the design for my younger sisters' Christmas gift done in my head. Actually I have two ideas, but I don't know which one to go with. I was going to make a set of two....

Luckily we're purchasing more than creating this year, solely to preserve my sanity. But when you're purchasing for three of the hardest people to shop for (The Husband's family) sanity is pretty much out the window from the get-go. I love my in-laws and I know how lucky I am to have a great relationship with them... but they are soooo hard to shop for!!!! And The Husband is not really very much help. At all. And my suggestions are all met with, "I dunno...."

Apparently I wasn't done venting. More apologies. I think I'll have some egg rolls for lunch and the world will be a better place.

Who gives a fuck about an oxford comma?

I remember my first day of school.

My mom got me up and put me in my dress that matched my older sister's. I had a full breakfast and we took the obligatory pictures, smiling and super excited about going to kindergarten. We got in the car and started the drive to the elementary school.

And there were no crossing guards.

And no kids walking to school.

And no traffic.

And no cars in the parking lot.

Turns out it was the day before the first day of school.

My first day of middle school my mom's car wouldn't start so the neighbor dropped me off. I was super late for my first day of high school for some reason I can't remember.

The Joey's first day of school wasn't like any of that. We took him into the school and he never gave us another glance. There was another kid crying and The Husband and I thought the same thing (we found out later): he's going to think there's something to be scared of, so let's not make a big deal out of goodbyes. Which turned out to be fine because The Joey started talking with his teacher and got in line and never looked at us again. I looked at the teacher and said "Is that it?!" and she said "Well, I guess so!" We went into the room and dropped off his school supplies and the line started to move. There were other parents in the room and we all kinda followed them out. Then The Husband and I went to find the nurse's office to drop off his updated shot record minus the absurd chickenpox vaccine (more on that another time) and we kept running into The Joey and his class! We'd hide behind corners so he wouldn't know we were still there... not that he would have noticed. He was totally in his own world, so happy to be at school.

Two words summed up yesterday, at a level I didn't know I could reach: so proud.

Look at me, look at me, Hands in the air like it's good to be

Slacker slacker slacker! I wear my title proudly. It's not like I haven't been doing things - I've been doing TONS of things. That's just the problem....

The Husband and I have reached a critical point in this pregnancy. I like to call it "Yeah... but how did it get in there?" Because that's the question Joey seems intent on getting an answer to. We tried to sugar-coat it with "Well, it takes a little bit of Mommy and a little bit of Daddy and a whole lot of love," only to be answered with a pause and "Yeah... but how did it get in there?" So we try again, with "Well, Mommy and Daddy love each other a whole lot and we love you a whole lot so we decided to have another baby," - "Yeah... but how did it get in there?" So I have no idea what to tell a four year old about sex and any book I could find at Barnes & Noble would probably make me giggle so we're just kind of not answering him for now. The Husband says he wants to wait until The Joey can be fully embarassed by the answer to the question. I plan on waiting until he's old enough to be truthful with.

So I guess I'll work backwards from here on out because honestly, I can remember what I did this week but not really what I did last week.

I am in the middle of an embroidery marathon. I can't stop, and I really shouldn't. Because I am the smartest person in the world, I decided to make a gift for a friend's baby shower but didn't really assess the project as a whole and there's a hell of a lot of embroidery to be done by the end of next week. Since she's probably reading this (hey Lauren!) I won't go into detail as to what it is but I can tell you I'm very happy to do it because I love this girl to death and am so happy for her and her husband and their baby girl. And I'm not even being facetious - I really mean it!

We also ordered our tickets to the circus next week! And I actually found badass seats for a badass price! See, The Husband brought home a flier from his work advertising 25% off ticket prices. So upon deeper research it was impossible to find good seats with the discount. So I remembered looking at the website last year when we thought we wanted to go and finding a military discount... for 50% off ticket prices!!! So then I went to the Ticketmaster website and looked for the best seats for every day the circus is in town. We wound up with center ring seats in the first row of the balcony for $7.50 a ticket! What we've found out about the whole circus thing is that The Husband and I are more excited about going to the circus than The Joey. I'm sure, though, that once we pay for parking and cotton candy and a glow wand and a souvenir cup The Joey will be more excited to be at the circus than we are.

Tuesday I ordered this (thanks Lauren!) for The Joey's Robot Room. and it said it would take 3-5 business days to arrive. So imagine my surprise when I saw the man in brown drop a big box on my doorstep and drive away yesterday afternoon... it was the sheets! We had an awesome time looking at the robots and talking about getting a new Big Brother Bed and then when the novelty was gone The Husband and I discussed putting a waterproof mattress pad on the Big Brother Bed. I wonder why they call it waterproof... everyone really knows it's being peeproof that really matters.

I got to spend last Sunday with The Doctor, and we had a blast. Luckily she works REALLY early in the morning so we get tired about the same time in the afternoon, so I wasn't out too late. We went to see "The Proposal" and were greatly surprised that we enjoyed it so much. I thought it was going to be your typical formulaic romantic comedy and while there were some of those elements to it, the greater proportion turned out to be hilarious and awesome. Then we went in search of pregnancy church clothes and athletic shoes... not to be worn together, of course. In between there we got some beyond-yummy-lunch that made the parasite very very happy. It was spicy!

I have no idea what else has happened since I last posted. All I can think about is embroidery. Someday I will be sane again....

Take the money and run

Of all the times for my doctor's office to be running late, why must it be on the day I intentionally drank copious amounts of water to ensure I coyld provide a sample? When I was here last they were running on time and I had peed the hour before my appointment and I couldn't, well... perform. So I haven't gone since about 1:30 this afternoon and I drank extra water and it's almost 4 and I'm going bonkers. Luckily there is no one else in the waiting room but the staff are about to see the best damned potty dance EVER.

I bounced this idea off The Big earlier today, and I think I want to try my hand at selling my crafts. It's not much but I do so love the time I spend in front of my easel or at my art table, not to mention the zen state I achieve with a needle in my hand. [Oh my god my insides are going to fucking burst] At this point I have a list of about 10 things I know I can make and 1 or 2 that look really pretty in my head. [Sweet relief!] The list basically consists of things I would gladly make for myself (or already have) and those would just act as samples. I would gladly provide room for customizing in order to ensure maximum customer satisfaction, or one could just order items as shown. I'm kind of excited - not only could this potentally bring in some extra money, but it's something I really enjoy doing!

Right now it's all still an idea, but luckily I've remembered to take photographs of some of the better projects I've done.

I think I'll toast to success and prosperity with my next glass of water. Join me, won't you?

You can't sing But you still put me to sleep

At this moment I am alone in my house. Kind of. After 16 or so days of +100 degree weather, it is 1:30 pm and 86 degrees outside. Nice, huh? Well, it is for Texas in July anyway. SOOOO... I put sunscreen and bug spray on the kid and sent him and Izzy the Babysitter Dog out to play. I opened up the backdoor and opened the window in my art room overlooking the backyard. So I am painting (right now - waiting for paint to dry), keeping an eye on the kid in the fort out back, and watching "7th Heaven". Life couldn't get any better.

Every night we put The Joey to bed and every night 3 minutes after we've closed the door he calls for us because he swears he saw a monster. So we devised a story about why there are no monsters in the house. So The Joey knows we brought Izzy home from a shelter a long time ago. But what he didn't know... was that before Izzy was at the shelter she was a super dog monster hunter. And whenever there is a monster close, Izzy the Monster Hunter will spring into action and eat the monster up.

Amazingly, it works.

And my paint is dry.

Who knows, not me, I never lost control

So I had a conversation with The Husband last night about something that has bothered me for the past, oh, 10 years or so. And just let me preface this with a short story. Way back when - when the Husband was just That Guy I Want to Ask Me Out - and I learned that he was in the Air Force I had a conversation with my mother (I know; go fig). I was anti-all things Republican and conservative (still am) but I confused military personnel with military action. And she said that if I really liked this guy (still do) that I would have to learn to reconcile the fact that he's military with my strong oppositional views towards the things he's ordered to do, not asked to do. That being said, five years later I am a very proud military wife and support The Husband in his career. I also still drive the Obama-mobile on base....

Anyway, over the 4th of July holiday weekend all I kept hearing was to remember the troops fighting for our freedom overseas, remember the troops away from home protecting our rights, etc. After the 10 o'clock news I finally couldn't take it anymore and wanted to talk to The Husband to get his opinion and find out if what I thought was more my extreme leftist opinion than anything else. To my great surprise, he actually agreed with me: neither of us think it's correct to say that the military fights for our freedom or to protect our rights. The Husband says he can reconcile what people say over and over with the fact that the military fights for someone's freedom, and to protect someone's rights. But he said let's call a spade a spade and say "The military is in Afghanistan fighting terrorists." That's it. We don't discuss Iraq because the conversation ends with me losing it and going out on tangents and The Husband saying "I know! I know! I agree with you - why are you yelling at me?!" But I digress. The faction we are fighting in Afghanistan wants to kill us, not take away our rights or our freedom. Granted, I don't know everything, but I don't really think that the whole master plot of the attack on Pearl Harbor and the attacks of 2001 and the thwarted alleged attacks since were to invade the U.S., overthrow the government and remove all rights, privileges and freedoms actually fought for during the American Revolution. That's right people. I paid attention during American History....

For someone who gets labeled a socialist every four years or so, I sure do dislike nationalistic propaganda messages.