Here we come, walking down the street

Everyone is sad Michael Jackson died and everything, but can we get back to regular "Good Morning America"? There's so much more going on in the world, and the devote two hours to Michael Jackson? I can understand MTV and VH1 playing tributes around the clock....

Speaking of - I was watching MTV this morning and was amazed to see Kurt Loder is STILL on! Isn't he like 60 or something?! Then I thought about a few other past vjs. Chris Connely is with ABC now doing grown-up work. But what I really want to know is what happened to Jessie. Do ya'll remember him? He was that super trippy dirty hippie vj. I loved him!

Right now I should be getting ready for the baby shower I'm going to in a few hours. Why should I be getting ready so early? Becuse I must also get Joey ready, pack him some movies and toys, then he'll be hungry for lunch despite the two eggs and bowl of cereal he had for breakfast (I know!), then The Doctor will probably be here to help and get us out the door and to another friends' house so Joey doesn't have to come with us. THEN we can finally be on our way to the shower. And where, you might ask, is The Husband? Well, despite the fact that I had been telling him for months the date of the shower, he failed to put two and two together that June 27th is at the end of the month JUST LIKE his drill weekend. And yet, just two weeks ago I brought it up in conversation and that it was also his drill weekend so yet again I was left scrambling for a sitter while he did nothing but be blissfully unaware of anything, as usual.

Whew. Okay. Deep breath. I know it's the crazy coming out and if I don't stop here I'll go into a tirade about how a 26 year old man should be able to keep track of his own commitments, especially if those commitments reoccur monthly for the past six or so years.

Besides, I have to go throw up and get in the shower.

And what she fittin' to have she don't know

One angry thing, and then off to the good things....

The Husband and I were watching the news yesterday afternoon and there were two incidents of parents leaving their children in cars while they shopped. People, it was over a hundred degrees yesterday, not to even estimate what temperature it was inside those cars. And in both incidents the parents were charged with endangering a child. Personally, I think there should be harsher charges. I believe that anyone not intellectually/developmentally challenged has to know that if you leave a kid in a car on a hot day, the kid gets hurt. So if you leave a kid in a car on a hot day you do so with the intent to harm the kid. Seriously.

Now off to fun and good things....

I did my own research online today concerning old wives' tales about pregnancy and gender prediction. I wanted to see if there was anything about spicy foods curing morning sickness. It's so weird, but when I feel really sick I have a pepperoncini and boom! all better. Here are a few of the best ones and what they say about me:

Pull down the skin under your left eye and look at your eyeball. If you see a vein that looks like a V or branches, you will be having a girl. Well, I ran to the bathroom to do this right away and... I have a perfect V vein!

Have the mother-to-be pick up a single key. If she picks it up by the round part it will be a boy. If she picks up the long narrow part it will be a girl. If she picks it up in the middle she is supposedly having twins. Well, I don't think I could subconsciously pick up a key without trying to get the narrow part. So I won't do that one.

Ask a child under the age of 5. Conveniently, I have one of those! So I asked him to tell me if Wheatie Wheat is a boy or a girl. He said girl, and he's been referencing to the baby as a girl for a long time now. However, he also really thinks we're going to name the child Wheatie Wheat.

If you crave sweets and/or healthy food, you're having a girl. If you crave meats and cheeses and/or salty unhealthy food, you're having a boy. I must say, I wanted hamburgers all the damn time with Joey. And I ate them, too! But with this pregnancy I've had this little problem with buying a ton of fruits and vegetables, more than we can eat. But it's all I want - raisin bran, double fiber bread, grapes, apples, water. Sprites and artificially sweet things kind of make me sick. However, I have to have dessert every night. An ice cream cone (anything other than natural vanilla bean gives me indigestion), chocolate pudding, rice crispy treats, etc. But only once a day do I want that.

If your hands start to get dry and chapped, it will be a boy; if your hands are softer now, it will be a girl. No chapped hands here!!!

If your feet get colder than they were before you got pregnant, you're having a boy. If your feet are the same or warmer than they were before you got pregnant, you're having a girl. I used to tuck my feet into the couch cushions or under The Husband's legs while he sat next to me or under the dog while she lay next to wherever I was. I have about 20 pairs of fuzzy house socks. I don't use anything anymore!!!

(Can you tell I'm getting more and more excited?)

If you are sick more and moody, it is a girl. I plead the fifth. But I'm sure The Husband and The Doctor will gladly tell you I am Exorcist nauseous and street rat crazy. Even Izzy the Wonder Dog hides under the table when I get going.

More acne means you're having a girl. Yeah... I love concealer.

A girl will "sap" her mother's beauty and energy. With Joey my hair grew, it was manageable, I had that whole glowing nice wonderful peaceful beauty thing going on (in my opinion, anyway). Well, with this pregnancy I can't do a thing with my hair except put it in a half-assed pony tail, it's not growing or shiny; in fact, it's frizzy and dry and awful. I've already stated my skin all over my body but mostly on my face/chest/arms is breaking out wicked-like and my face just always feels dirty no matter how much I wash it.

Pee in a glass or jar with a tablespoon of Drain-o in it. If the mixture turns green, it means girl. If the mixture turns blue, it means boy. I don't just have Drain-o lying around my house and I have no motivation whatsoever to go get some, nor to pee in a cup not provided to me by my doctor. So I have to pass on this one.

Hold a needle on a string above your open palm. If it moves in a circular motion, you will be having a girl. If it moves back and forth like a pendulum, you will have a boy. Hold on... CIRCLES!!!

If a toddler boy shows interest in a pregnant woman, she will have a girl. If he ignores the pregnant woman, she will have a boy. I have to say, he's very interested. He tells me to take my vitamins every day "so the baby will grow big and strong in your tummy!" And today he came up and held my hand and said "Mommy, I want to hold Wheatie Wheat. Can you take her out of your tummy?"

So, we have another 5 or so weeks until we can find out... but I'm pretty excited about what these old wives' tales have to tell me. Cross your fingers, people!

Well you know - we all want to change the world

Everytime I hear the first few lines of "Revolution" I think back to my freshman year when it was the motto for GDS and the Service Station would send out phone messages with it blaring off someone's stereo in the background. I had a special tradition for GDS: go as hung over as humanly possible. And every year I outdid the last! Hey, if you had to be anywhere at 7am on a Saturday in college you'd be hungover too - admit it.

I must have made a good case for more affordably priced boy dress clothes to the cosmos because I happened across a rad sale at Gymboree yesterday. Joey is now outfitted for several weeks of church and any number of emergency family occasions. If only we hadn't left his leather dress sandals on my in-laws' boat a couple of weekends ago....

I am on the hunt for affordable maternity clothes that don't look like circus tents. Mostly tops, since I have two Tummy Sleeves, one in white and one in black, that I wear with my jeans every day. However, I have a baby shower to go to this weekend and I'd like to look nicer than jeans and a t-shirt that fits like I'm just fat and not wearing my correct size (kind of a pet peeve of mine). Also, what the hell is the deal with maternity clothes that 80% of everything has to be sleeveless? I don't want to show off my arms, thank you - they are not my best asset. And that cardigans to then cover up the sleeveless-ness must be super expensive and hard to find? I have Kohl's, Ross, Old Navy, and Burlington on my list of places to go tomorrow but the shower is Saturday!

Not that anyone asked, but I'm feeling tons better. The debilitating vertigo-inducing nausea is all but gone! I must still nap sometimes twice a day and make sure I'm snacking or I may bite your head off instead, but I feel pretty good. It's a relief to me, anyway. And so far the only thing I crave is ice water. If someone can find some old wives' tale where craving ice water means you're having a girl it would be greatly appreciated.

You know, I'm not really ashamed of saying that we'll be a little disappointed if we don't have a girl this time around. Anyone who knows us knows that we love being parents and we will welcome any child into this world with love, compassion and warmth. But we want to add a little girl to our family! There's nothing wrong with that. But when people ask if we have a preference and we say a girl it's like there's a whole conversation that stems from that but is never said. And some people go ahead and say "Well healthy is all that matters," like that's not first in our hearts everyday for nine months and everyday thereafter for the rest of forever. It just bugs me that people take "We want a girl" to mean "We won't love a boy". We didn't get pregnant to have a girl, people. We got pregnant to have another baby.

And my dog needs a bath.

Part 2

So two things just happened.

1. I accidentally hit "Send". My deepest apologies.

2. I tripped a child at McDonald's and made her cry. Again, my most heartfelt apologies.

So back to what I was saying....

I have a bone to pick with the world of retail. Why is it near impossible to find affordable dress clothes for boys? I can't even find affordable ugly dress clothes for boys. Nada. I'm speaking to you, Wal-Mart and Target. Nothing. Apparently little boys have scant options: sports, licensed merchandise, cars, or tools. I was so pleased to see robots and monsters and superheroes at the beginning of Spring but even that is mostly gone. I want my son to look presentable in church. If we have a last-minute event to go to (as we did last week) I would love not to have to run out to stores like The Children's Place and have to spend $50 on dress pants, a shirt and a tie. Not that I have anything against The Children's Place. I go there for special occasion things multiple times a year. It's just that in a pinch and on a budget I can't spend that kind of money. And stores like Wal-Mart and Target are marketed and needed for the precise purpose of having a little bit of everything u
nder one roof. It makes me so mad to walk into the kids' sections and see row upon row and rack upon rack of girl clothes. The boys clothes usually take up about 5 racks and 2 rows and are of the aforementioned selection. This is the 21st century. Don't you think we can let go of some of these gender stereotypes, like that all little boys do is play and all little girls do is look pretty? Sure, I want a little girl and I look longingly at the clothes and baby sections, but I want to have the same experience with my son. It's not right not fair and it in general just pisses me off.

Have a nice day.

You're so 2000 and late

Well, maybe it's me. I just can't seem to keep it together here lately. How the hell am I supposed to take care of two kids? I'm beginning to wonder. Right now I'm sitting in hell (or McDonald's play area; I haven't decided yet) while Joey is off swinging his pitchfork (or climbing on the jungle gym; I haven't decided yet) while I tune and every other little demon ankle biting whine and poop machine out. I wonder if that makes me a bad parent....

I have a bone to

Where can you go....

So I'm sitting here waiting for my favorite show in the entire world to start. That's right, folks - "7th Heaven"! And what's even better, this afternoon's episode is the real last episode not the last episode of the craptastic eleventh season. Of course I will watch the craptastic eleventh season, but that's because I am a true fan.

I'm also trying something new and I hope it works out. If you can read this, I have emailed in my first post using my phone. It's so hard to be in the back room away from all the trouble Joey is getting into, so hopefully I will be able to post more often this way.

Now back to 7th Heaven. I remember the night I watched this episode. I was bawling my eyes out because I had either just had Joey or I was just about to and I chalked it up to hormones. I was so wrong. The show has been on for 5 minutes and I'm already tearing up. And I could blame it on hormones all over again, but I think it's the episode. They keep showing flashbacks! It's totally not my fault. I have the first 3 seasons on dvd and I MUST complete my collection. The Husband was great at surprising me with them, but I think he's forgotten how much I need them.

I think I'm done now. I have to watch this show and cry. And apparently wipe Joey's butt. And feel like I'm going to throw up.

I see you've got your list out, well say your piece and get out

I learned quite a sad thing during my trip to see my family last week. I no longer consider myself a Houstonian. Why, you might ask? 

1. I do not know where anything is. I used my GPS waaaay too much to delude myself into thinking I still know where stuff in the city I grew up in is. Example: I had to use the GPS to get from my parents' house to my sister's house. Sure, I've been there before, a few times, but did I know how to get there? Not a freaking clue. I must thank my sister, however, for being the best directions-giver EVER. I must not thank my mother for being the worst directions-giver ever. I heard this multiple times while driving "I just don't know... it's so different because I'm not driving...." Seriously? Being two feet left of behind the wheel makes so much of a difference that you suddenly don't know where you're going?

2. I can't drive in Houston anymore. I remember my driver's ed course, and The Husband is always astounded when I tell him the story of my first highway driving experience on 45. Granted, he probably learned to drive on dirt roads and one lane gravel drives (okay, I'm kidding but country highway is tons different from city highway). Anyway, I have learned to drive *gasp!* the speed limit. I had to remind myself of the fact that everyone in Houston drives at least 5 miles over, and that darting in and out of lanes of traffic without so much as an indication as to which way you're turning is acceptable. And in addition to the "directions" given by my mother sitting shotgun were sound effects in the form of sharp inhales, hand to the chest, wincing, eye closing, seat belt grabbing, and "watch out!"s. Let's not forget the "praise" given by my father that I can, in fact, cross from the right-most lane of a highway to the left-most for an exit.

3. Fuck the humidity. I don't think I need to explain it, but I will. I can't handle it anymore. I get zapped just walking out the door, like I walked through a waterfall of slime and it's all over my skin. I gave up on my hair - I just walked around like a fuzzball. Seriously - fuck the humidity.

And now for my tirade against Hobby Airport crossing guards at the Arrivals Pick Up Terminal:

You suck. You suck suck suck suck suck and have absolutely no purpose on this planet other than to wave your arm in one direction. THE STREET IS ONE WAY. I KNOW WHICH DIRECTION TO GO. If you're not waving your arm in one direction you put your hand up for me to stop. BECAUSE IF YOU DIDN'T I WOULDN'T SEE THE MASS OF PEOPLE CROSSING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND I WOULD RUN THEM OVER. You stop me and ask me to roll down my window to ask me if I need help because I've been circling for half an hour. IF YOU WOULD LET ME STOP AND PARK AND WAIT FOR THE PEOPLE I NEED TO PICK UP (AND THEIR FLIGHT WAS LATE) THEN I WOULDN'T BE CIRCLING FOR HALF AN HOUR. 

And I had to pee.