Some, some, some I, some I murder - some I, some I let go

me: So I've been working out a lot at the gym

husband: Yeah, I know. I'm really proud of you

me: Well, I'm a little discouraged. I don't know if it's working. Do you see any difference in the way I look?

husband: [long, long, desperate pause] Would you be upset if I said no?

me: A little bit.

husband: I'm kind of... you know I'm no good at... um... can I just buy you some jewelry?

But I met with my trainer for my monthly assessment, and everything is okay and he told me not to get discouraged; we're getting there. So I'll still be working on my Michelle Obama arms....

I had a proud mother moment this afternoon while listening to the "Across the Universe" soundtrack. My son loves to sing "Strawberry Fields Forever"! So proud... *tear*.....

Sorry for such a short post today. It's time to be Mary Fucking Sunshine the Happy Homemaker and get some laundry and cleaning done before we take our trip North tomorrow.

And we could do the tango, wherever we go

I did a little research today on Mom groups here in Fort Worth, thinking it might be the best way to get out and meet new people and make some friends for Joey. And there's not all that much in my area. There's a lot in Yuppyville areas, but I'm not interested in trading in my Ramones for Kenny Chesney. Anyway, I'll keep my eyes open online for "cool people" Mom groups.

We're heading North for the weekend and apparently there is to be a social gathering of the husband's friends. And that's about all I have to say on that.

Thinking about going to Houston at the end of May. Little Brother is graduating middle school! It might be nice to go see some fun stuff too, like this. I'm sure Joey would love to see some dinosaurs, too. 

Not that the little beast deserves to go anywhere fun; yesterday I went out to the store for a few things and he wanted a new toy. So I decided to get him the game Memory but he didn't want it. He wanted a "big boy toy" - you know, Mom, like HotWheels! I said no. He could have Memory, but if he didn't want Memory he could have nothing. He took too long (like 5 minutes) to decide, and in the end he didn't get anything. But he sure screamed all the way out of the store, into the car, and all the way home! Now before you call me Bad Mommy come over to my house and check out his playroom - yes, a whole room devoted to Joey's toys. This kid has SO many toys he has no idea what to do with them, for real. I have seen him take out a bunch of toys and then jump around all anxiety-ridden because he doesn't know which one to play with. I would personally love to get rid of all of them save the books, HotWheels and anything educational. But the husband won't let me. So please, don't get my kid toys. Get him a book.

Or Memory.

He's had a rough couple of days with staying out of Mommy's hair. I'm sure it's my fault, but by the end of the day I am absolutely zapped of energy and pissed off with a headache. Then when the husband gets home the kid screams and yells and jumps, the dog is running around crazy taking out everything in her path and I want nothing to do with any of them. But this morning we had a pretty good time. We ate breakfast and I started some laundry and then Joey came up to me and said he wanted a snack.  This is how it went:

joey: Mommy, can I have a snack?

me: How do you ask for a snack?

joey: Can I have a snack please?

me: Sure. What would you like for snack?

joey: Poop.

me: I'm sure I didn't hear you right. What do you want for snack?

joey: Poop.

me: Little boys don't eat poop for snack.

joey: Then can I have fruit snacks?

me: Sure.

joey: And we can have puppy for dinner?

You don't have to admit you wanna play

I was watching "Good Morning America" this morning and heard an awesome story. Apparently this mom kicked her 10 & 12 year old daughters out of the car for fighting. One girl just went home, but the other one got noticed by a bystander and the bystander called police. Then the mom was arrested!

Okay: one time my mom kicked me and Big Sister out of the house and locked the door for pretty much the same thing. Then it started raining. And she wouldn't unlock the door. We didn't have a porch, people; we got rained on. I gotta say, now I would probably have done the same thing. Or at least send the one causing all the problems out (which, of course, could never have been me). Sometimes you have to get creative. Like that time I told Joey that monsters would come out of the floor at McDonald's and bite his toes off one by one if he didn't stay put for the minute and a half it took for us to get our order from behind the counter. Sure - he looked at me with huge eyes of fear, but he stayed put.

And I guess I should warn you all now, since the last time I didn't post I got a couple of demands for an update - I'm going out of town this weekend. So hold your breath - I'll be right back.

Pay no more mind to what you think you've seen

I have a wisdom tooth coming through. It doesn't so much hurt as really fucking bothers me.

So last night after dinner it was REALLY fucking bothering me so I told Trey I thought more of it was coming through and asked him to feel it himself. He said no that's gross but did it anyway because I have the mad persuasion skills. Really, though, he jabbed his arm out and into my mouth - pretty much finger punching me in the back of the throat. It seems I had forgotten that he had two beers at the end of drill, then come home and had two glasses of wine with me. And then there were two things in my mouth that really fucking bothered me.

I had a dream last night that Sarah Palin wanted to borrow my shoes.

Spinning on that dizzy edge

So bored. So, so, so bored.

The husband has his drill this weekend so while he's at the base I'm just kinda here. I cleaned yesterday and I'm sure there's more to be done, but I'm too bored to do it. Same with the art - too bored to do anything. I'll bet it has something to do with the weather - it's rainy and gloomy and muggy and windy and I just want to curl up on the couch and doze off. Which I've already done, but I'm still bored.

Of course, in the time it took for me to type the last two paragraphs Joey has gotten up on the couch and fallen off, knocking over my filled-to-capacity embroidery thread box. I have to have at least 100 different colors in there. So at least now I have something to do... but instead I'm sitting right here in front of the computer. If Trey gets home before I get around to cleaning up the mess I'll just say I was leaving it there for him to see because it made me SO mad I couldn't bear to do it right away. Works every time....

So I've been thinking of all the nontraditional jobs I could do to bring in some money. I only need about $200 a week (post taxes) to make a difference; more if it were to mean I'd need to put Joey in daycare. But if I could work overnight somewhere I wouldn't have to worry about that. How cool would that be - working overnight doing something completely nontraditional? Talk about life experience.... I'm a night person anyway, sometimes to a fault. Those are the night/mornings when I'm still up at 3:30, 4 o'clock in the morning, just because. Or if someone just wants to hand me $200 bucks a week for being me - that would be pretty cool, too. I'm pretty damn good at just being me.

I cannot wait to receive a special package in the mail from New York City. Big Sister is sending me a GREAT fabric sample (from SoHo, no less!) for Joey's robot room quilt. I think I may be nesting - although is it possible to nest before one gets pregnant? Anyway, I want to get on this Robot Room right away, even though I have never quilted before or designed a room from scratch. Let's all just say a little prayer: "Dear lord of the sewing machine, paint brushes, and all things crafty - we're gathered here today to beg your blessing of the Robot Room Project. Many drops of blood, tears of frustration, and curse words will be sacrificed to you during the completion of this undertaking. Please forgive me, for I know not at all what I'm doing."

Come on, even the real God has to have a sense of humor.

I've got soul but I'm not a soldier

I scared a baby today.

It was awesome.

I've been thinking about the fact that I don't like kids, and how that plays into the fact that I am a mother and more of my friends are becoming parents. I don't really think it's that I don't like kids - I don't like parents. And not necessarily all parents - I don't like parents who don't parent their kids. You know the kind of parents I'm talking about; they let their kids "try the grapes" at the grocery store, they let their kids act like demons on crack at McDonalds and push little kids and run past them without so much as an "excuse me", etc.

I took Joey to the zoo last week and couldn't take 10 steps without seeing an example of children being nonparented or parents nonparenting their children. Just because you are in the confined general area of "The Zoo" does not mean you may let your heathens run amok and dart in and out and around other people, especially those pulling wagons or pushing strollers. Teach your kids to wait their turn and not push aside the 3 year old who merely wants to glance at the animal before moving on. Hold your kid's hand, which will unfortunately mean you'll have to put down your cell phone. I promise, it will be okay.

I like the parents who hold the door open for the lady pulling the wagon and wearing the obligatory backpack full of her kid's crap (that's me!). And the mom who tells her kids to make room for Joey so he can see the monkeys too. And the mom who saw some future juvenile delinquents push Joey out of the way while he tried feed a parakeet, then made room for him to feed the one her daughter was playing with.

I want to know where all the nice parents hang out - art fairs, environmental rallies, outdoor music festivals - and go there. Our kids will play barefoot in a field of flowers free of pesticides, and we'll have an organic picnic wearing dye-free linen. One of the dads will pull out a guitar and we'll teach our children songs like "The Rainbow Connection" while the moms braid daisy chain crowns. As the sun sets we'll pack up our hybrids and know we left our field of hope and dreams as clean as we found it.

*sigh*

Can your kid at least not push my kid?

Best. Prayer. Ever.

Nukka is in a new home.

And she bit my ear.

Amen.