Whip it good

Let's just begin with this: I had a fucking blast last night.

The Doctor and I went to a drag show and it was really quite awesome. I know I'm a short person living in a tall world, but when you add 3-inch heels it's just not fair. It was like "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman" in there - big hair, short skirts, stacked heels and me feeling an ant about to get squashed under the blinking star lights.

The show began with a Miley Cyrus song. Seriously? Of all the songs anyone had to choose from - Miley Cyrus? For real? I don't care if she sounds like Bea Arthur from Tennessee, she's not a real musician and she's like 12 years old. However, all thoughts of Miss Miley left my mind the moment the entertainer kicked her leg in the air and pointed her toe. Damn!

The show was just awesome. I think I may want to be a drag queen when I grow up. It could be a legitimate reason to own a bedazzler from what I saw last night. Once I was watching tv with my husband and a commercial came on and I got this great idea that with a bedazzler I could pierce my dog's ears. Now he won't let me get one even though I promised Izzy the Wonder Dog is in no danger whatsoever.

Apparently when it is your birthday at this bar the emcee for the evening will whip you with a belt. The oh-so-lucky birthday boy was sitting just behind me and The Doctor, so when he went up to get his whuppin he bent over like all the way and she let him have it... twice. I wondered if he had to sign a waiver for that when he got back to his table and was telling his friends "He hit my balls!"

I witnessed a gay stampede! Seriously, you too can view this fascinating event. The second the dj started playing a certain song, the dance square was packed. Then I realized they were all lining up... then they were all moving at the same time... it was a fabulous line dance! Apparently it's the newest thing all the kiddies are doing right now and it's called the "Cupid Shuffle".

Yeah, I know - I'm old. Whatever.